I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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