do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
