youre lurking in front of me
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Enjoy the penises
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
