i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
