Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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