i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
