He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
