I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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