That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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