I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I've blown a few things in my day
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
