??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
