i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
