I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
