This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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