Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
