Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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