i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
