I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
What drink are we having for lunch?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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