WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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