Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
