check it out our google latitudes are spooning
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
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