Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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