i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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