she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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