As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
