So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
