Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
