I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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