just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
