Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Randomize
