I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
