sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
