just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
