you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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