I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
