so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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