mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
