So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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