i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
