He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
