Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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