why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
we're making bets on your personal life
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
