Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
