i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
