I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
