We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I am midnight drunk by noon
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
