We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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