Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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