I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
