I heard we made out
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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